Je T'aime Encore
by Karneene
Summary: I lie and wait for a kiss that I know will not come, a love that was swept away long before it had a chance to truly breathe, long before this moment, when I knew how to wake up with a smile. Drarry, Oneshot, character death.


I am the emptiness in the shell that is morning, the sound of the ticking clock bursting loud against the confines of my ear. It is here, alone, that I lie and wait for a kiss that I know will not come, a love that was swept away long before it had a chance to truly breathe, long before this moment, when I knew how to wake up with a smile. Those were the days when I could open my eyes to a shining sea of green and say 'I love you', but those days are gone now. Instead, I lie here and listen to the gentle swish of the wind outside the windows and the creaking of this old house that will never again seem like home.

It is now when I miss you the most; the way my eyes would flutter open and you would be there, already awake, so close yet not touching me, not yet. You used to look at me like I was something precious and beautiful, like a newly-shed snowflake from a silver cloud. Everything about the way you loved me was gentle; your kisses, your smile, those feather-light brushes that drove me mad. These are the things that haunt me when I close my eyes and try to remember what it felt like to be pressed against your skin, held safe in the arms of a man that by all rights should not, could not be mine. These are the things that haunt me in the cold hours of the morning, before the sun is properly risen and the boy you left behind demands breakfast with his Father. It kills me that we never had one of our own, that I'll never see those beautiful emerald eyes copied into our child's face, never feel the softness of your black hair as I clutch a sobbing heap. But Teddy is all I have now, all that's left of you and all that keeps me from following you to wherever you are.

You were supposed to wait for me… did you forget? Did you forget I promised that we would be together always, that I would follow you to the grave and beyond? Did you forget that I had changed my whole life for you, that I had become something more than a Slytherin, something more than a pureblood, just so that you would be able to look at me and see something more than my father? Did you forget that you were my reason to breathe, you were my reason to open my eyes every late morning and get out of bed, and that I love you, _god damnit_ how I loved you… I still do, and I always will. And don't you dare forget it.

Sometimes in the night when I wake screaming your name, I can hear Teddy crying. We'll sit together alone in the dark and whisper to each other that somehow we'll be okay, that somehow we'll get through this, but no matter how much we lie to each other I can't imagine a life without the green of those eyes, the flush of your face whenever your emotions got the better of you and spilled over into those perfect features. Did you forget how much he needed you? Together we are broken and alone and empty without you and no one can understand the pain that is echoing in the space where my heart should be, the agony that is tearing me apart from the inside and driving me to insanity. I feel you caress my hair while I sleep, feel your lips grace my shoulder as you whisper that you're still here, that you still love me, that you're sorry for being gone for so long. You were never much of a liar, but I never sleep late anymore because somehow I think if I just woke a little earlier maybe I would catch you at it. I haven't yet. Did you forget you that said you wanted to wake up every morning to my silver eyes?

I wonder if I should have tried harder, paid attention while we were walking and maybe we would have noticed Notts. I wonder if we were too happy, if the gods somehow wanted to spite us for our bliss. I dread sleep every night knowing that when my eyes close all I will see is the smooth planes of your face, your unruly hair, the soft curve of your lips and those bloody beautiful green eyes so deep I imagined I could drown in them if I tried. Did you forget why my favorite color was green? Yet somehow I still clutch this image to my chest like a security blanket, afraid it will slip away with time and that I will not remember what it felt like to be captured in the circle of your arms, suffocate under the weight of your kisses. I am dying without you, wasting away no matter how much Teddy forces me to eat, no matter how often those blasted friends of yours drag me out on "Family Gatherings". It seems a crime that they should smile in the sun while your body is lifeless and cold, and I cannot bear the sight of a broom because all I can think about is you holding a snitch and grinning triumphantly, you racing for the golden ball, always one step ahead of me. You promised to wait after we got married. Did you forget?

Well maybe you have, but I will never forget. I will never forget the way the corners of your eyes would still crinkle when you tried not to laugh, the way your face flushed whenever any of your emotions got the better of you. I will never forget the way you could kiss me just once and all the tension would slide away and dissolve into nothingness, the way you could tell me with one look that you loved me and that everything would be fine. I will never forget the way you died whispering my name, the way you would always throw yourself in the line of fire if it meant saving anything else. I will never forget the way you looked at me when you thought I was sleeping, possessive and fierce as if you thought that just by claiming me as yours you could keep anything else from touching me. I will never forget the way your roaring laughter would echo in the house and wake up the portraits, or the way your hands would instinctively snatch anything in midair including kitchen knives. I will never forget your embarrassed, apologetic smile, or the way you would pull into yourself whenever you were mortified as if you thought by pulling your neck in far enough you would turn into a turtle and be able to hide. I will never forget the feeling of your lips on my skin or the way you would whisper 'I love you' every night before we fell asleep like a mantra, the way your hands felt against my cheek when they brushed away tears. And I will never forget those eyes, endless emerald oceans filling my vision every morning. I will never forget how much I love you, Harry Potter. And don't you ever forget it.


End file.
